Not a good feeling

Well my sister couldn't make it to mom's b'day. But she's making it for dad's, which is tomorrow. Yayieeee. I don't know why am I not as excited about this as I was a day or 2 before. I think it was that argument I had with mom.

Well she was lecturing me about why I left my previous job, without one in hand and that I shouldn't have done so...so and I got really pissed, coz the circumstances in which I left it were certainly not permitting me to work there for another hour, forget waiting for a job. She went on and on about the fact that I should accept jobs which pay me half than what I used to get, not understanding the consequences of the same in today's world. So I got really mad and snapped at her (which I shouldn't have), but it made me so mad. My self confidence, which was already like a cracked mirror, shattered into pieces. Every time I start feeling good about myself, someone has to say something that I just lose it again. And it hurts even more when people so close to you do that.

Every time I hear people telling me how I should have handled my previous job, I get so mad...I know what I was going through. Its easy for people to say things. I let go of something that I liked doing, because some stupid bitch wanted to show the world that she's the boss. I know how it feels to have let go of something you truly loved doing. On top of that being without a job for more than 8 months. I went through the pain of being literally abused and humiliated by someone...an attack on my dignity and yet I have to hear things. I still fantasise about how I will one day answer back that bitch in the same demeanour - that will be the day of my payback!